Pee Into This Cup!

Nobody likes to pee in a cup!! However, I probably would not mind so much if I were at my doctors office taking a pregnancy test... That was not the case today!! After contemplating for quite sometime I have decided to get a part time job at Target!! Yes I will be sporting the sweet khakis and the red shirt with the cool target nametag!! I will be working there as a "Seasonal" employee!! Apparently I am a little bland and they think seasoning me for 90 days is going to spice me up a little!!

With this new adventure in my life I needed to take a drug test to make sure that I am not a crack case. I had 24 hours from noon today to complete this amazing test!! I could hardly contain myself!! I drove my little self to the medical plaza where we do our patient surgeries... Oh how I wish I was scrubbing up to go into the O.R. instead!

First of all I get lost trying to find this place.... How hard could it be you ask.. Let me tell you!! I get in the elevator and take it to the 2nd floor... I am on a mission to find suite 234c! I turn to my right and go down a hallway, cross an inclosed bridge and somehow I am now on the 3rd floor! Hmmm!! I wonder around walking through a maze of hallways and nothing! I finally go into an OBGYN office (Not for a pregnancy test) to ask where in the world is 234c!!! I felt like saying "Where in the world is Carmen San Diego?" Much to my surprise I have walked through a door and somehow ended up in Japan... The lady at the front desk was on the phone and did not even look up to see who had come in.... She was jabbering on the phone to someone in what I could only explain to be Japanese! I look at the name plate on the desk and I will just call the doctor, Dr. Ching Chong Wing Wong!! The receptionist finally gets off the phone and tells me how to get to my destination!! Go out the hall, across the bridge and down to the 2nd floor.... Holy Hanna!! I finally get to the lab!! ICKY!!! The ladies at the front desk were everything but friendly... I am sure they were happy because they were chowing down on Wendy's and talking on the cell phone. What a hard job!! I look around at the other people in the waiting room, which was the size of a midgets closet and realize I am a little out of my element! Finally it is my turn to go back... At least I think it is... I hear my name being called from the back of the office!! She might as well have gotten a blow horn!!

When I get to the back the unfriendly lady instantly tells me to lock my purse in this little ice box looking thing!! She gives me my little clear plastic cup and tells me that when the gentleman in front of me finishes I need to go in there and pee and I have 4 min!! Never have I ever been timed on my ability to urinate!! The only person I know who can pee that long is Tom Hanks in a League of Their Own! The bathroom is a little frightening!! There is tape all along the cabinets and signs that read.... "Do not flush unless told to" and "Do not wash your hands, hands must be washed in the lab" Ew ew ew ew GROSS!!! So not only have just pee'd into a cup I now have to put my hand on the door knob and take the germ infested cup back to the unfriendly lady.. I realize I am holding the key to my icebox and others before who used the same key did not wash their hands till the end!! Now I have a germ infested cup and a germ infested key! I give my specimen to the lady, wash my hands and run for the exit!! Hopefully I will not be doing that again anytime soon!! Next time I will bring my little travel toilet seat covers and hand sanitizer!!